Could it be the weather?

It is such a gloomy day and my mood is matching. I am feeling so sad today, thinking about the fact that I feel I am no closer to pregnancy. It is so funny how I spent most of my life being safe, cautious and at times just a downright prude to not have an unwanted pregnany and now that the right person has come into my life and we are ready to add to our family; nothing, kaput, zero, zilch, nada! Who knew the overwhelming mix of emotions that go along with trying to concieve and being unsuccessful at it. So many times I feel like such a failure that I can not give my husband the chance to be a father for the second time(first time with me). Then I have thoughts of anger, why not me,what have I done wrong or not done, would I not be a good mommy? Ultimately, I feel sad... I think of all the things I would give up in the future or trade in from the past just to be a mommy and how I feel that ultimately there is something or should I say someone missing from our lives. Then I get scared because I will be turning 35 in September and I am all to aware of what that means...my odds go down tremendously. So I am about a month away from making the dreaded phone call to my doctors office that after a year or more of frequent sex without birth control, we are still not pregnant. How did I go from being so excited to tell everyone that we are trying to almost hoping that no one asks us about it because it so disappointing to say that we are not. Of course I am always sooooo envious(and yes even a little jealous, I am human)when I hear of another friend or coworker or heck let's be honest, just about anyone at this point being pregnant. Gosh I sound evil...well I have one thought to leave you with: practice makes perfect...or at least that is what I am hoping for...as my BFF once told me when the time is right our baby will choose us :o)

What a week...

My cousin and his wife were in for the weekend,not long, but I did get to go out with Amber Saturday night, it was a blast. We watched her cousin's incredible band, I loved them;STS kicks butt! We went to dinner Sunday to celebrate my neice's sweet 16 ...it was yummy! Monday I was not feeling so hot, made me wonder about the seafood I ate Sunday....Looking back on the week my stomach has not been right all week : ( Tuesday was the 4 year anniversary of the first time my hubby and I met(it was after this night that I told my mom that I met the man I was going to marry)...Happy St. Patricks Day, it is also my niece's actual birthday. We hung out at our house with some friends and watched Halloween... I worked on cleaning the house and preparing food for my jewelry party that i was hosting the next night. Wednesday I came home and scrambled to get the sloppy joe in the crockpot(it turned our pretty good, this was the first time I ever made it)and getting all the other snacks out and put on "display". I made chocolate covered strawberries in under one hour and they were a hit, more yummies! I had a pretty successful party, I will be getting a ton of free and half priced items. Yesterday I was exhausted and still feel about the same today. We have no plans for tonight, I may have to sneak a nap when I get home, I feel that tired. We have an uneventful weekend, might be going out with my sis in law and some friends tomorrow, still uncertain!

I was tagged...

...by my BFF.



Step 1: respond and rework -- answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.

Step 2: tag - eight other un-tagged people

I will not be doing this because I do not even have 8 people I follow...yet : )

1) What do you do for a living?
I work at a sleep center, basically I am an office manager, but do not get the luxury of that being my job title. I also work seasonal(year round not just Christmas) at Kay jewelers...i love me some jewelry!

2) What is your biggest fear?
Not being a mommy and/or losing Lindsey.

3) Do you nap a lot? No, not really, every now and then Lindsey and I lay down on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon and doze off.

4) Who is the last person you hugged?
Lindsey last night.

5) What websites do you visit when you go online? Blogger, CW, Menus, IMDB, Domestications, Myspace, and Facebook...i guess that sums up my regulars.

6) What was the last item you bought? For myself, necklaces at a jewelry party. Lindsey and I just bought a class ring Friday for my niece's 16th birthday on March 17th....Happy Birthday Katelyn!

7) What is your favorite vacation place?
I would have to say anywhere I go with Lindsey is wonderful, but I really like cruises.

8) If you woke up tomorrow and were a boy, what is the first thing you would do and why? Hope that I would wake up the next day as a girl...i can't really think of anything I would want to do...i guess pee standing up too!

9) Has a celebrity's hair cut ever influenced your own hairstyle? Oh yes, probably more so by color than by cut but I know at sometime or another I have wanted a celebrity's style as well!

10) What is your most embarrassing moment? I can only think of one and guess what...I am not going to share because it is a one of a kind and I will never live it down, and I have never spoken about it so it is like it never happened : )

11) What was the last movie you watched? The Wrestler

12) If you had a whole day to yourself with no work, commitments, or interruptions what would you do? Organize all of our photos and put them in albums. I would love to cook some great recipe off of Rachel Ray and surprise Lindsey...he loves hershow...or maybe just her : )

13) What artist's music is currently playing (or did you last listen to) on your iPod/mp3 player/ car CD player, etc? I have an ipod I got for Christmas and I tried Saturday for hours to get music on it and no luck...I was trying to sync music already on our computer(like our wedding cd). In my car I only keeeo a few in there at a time and then I take those in and bring out a few more, so right now I have Maroon 5, Britney Spears(i love her new CD), and a couple of burned CD's that I leave in my car always.

14) Have any big plans for the Spring/Summer? We are planning an overnight stay at Fort Rapids for Springm Break. Then a weekend to my cousins in May for a festival in Virginia and we are taking a cruise in September to the Caribbean. WE are going to see Dave Matthews in June...we have not missed a year yet since Lindsey and I have been together...it's kind of our thing.

15) If you could make one wish,no limits, what would it be? Four or five years ago I probably without a doubt would have said some denomination of money, but now there is only one thing I would wish for....to be pregnant!

Is it Friday yet?

I am so ready for the weekend. I had the bright idea of coming in 2 hours earlier each day this week so I could have Friday off without using my paid time off...well
getting up at 5:30 is kicking my butt. Of course I will be so excited that I am off on Friday so I can go with my hubby to The Arnold in Columbus. I went last year with him and it was so neat to see Lou Ferrigno and Batista! We plan on taking our time going through it this year and perhaps watch some of the competitions. I had my nephew, Joel, this weekend. He is 10 and he and my step daughter get along pretty well, thank goodness because I was not much fun for him. I woke up Saturday with a cold sore(YUCK!) and it affects me pretty bad but I did not have the heart to cancel on him so I got him anyway. I am finally startin gto feel half way back to normal and the cold sore is going down, I no longer look like I got punched in the mouth! I also tried another crock pot recipe, the french toast bake. It was not a hit, we ate it but pitched the extras along with the recipe...sorry no intentions of making that one again.