Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Hokey Pokey

I try to vow to myself that I am going to be more active on my blog and make time to post and it just never happens, I feel like there is never enough time in the day, but where does it all go?  I know realistically most of my time is devoted to my jobs and then when I am not working I try to spend time with my hubby and step daughter.  I have pictures that I want to post from my trip to West Virginia, I just have not made time to sit down with my new computer and new camera to try to upload.  Sometimes I get on here and plan on posting but then I think I have nothing interesting to write about, there is always our on going battle with TTC, but alot of times I start writing about it and then I delete it all.  At first I found it therapuetic to write about TTC, of course I never gave all the details, somethings are meant to remain between my hubby and I, but now anytime I start to write about it, I feel really vulnerable and I feel that if it is written word then it somehow will affect our chances...make any sense?  Just a little update on the TTC, I am on my third month of taking Clomid @ 50mg dose, if no pregnancy this cycle then I must take one month off and then my hubby and I need to decide if we want to go round 2 @ 100mg for 3 months.  We were timing before the Clomid, but this seems different, I feel there is more pressure, like I paid for this medicine so we are not missing a beat. I must admit there were times in the past that we might skip day 10 or 18. I am so afraid that my hubby is gonna feel like this is becoming routine.  UGH...makes me wanna scream and cry. My hormones are on a roller coaster ride, my gyn doc warned me about this possibility, but I was not prepared and the hot flashes, where do I start. I am the person that is ALWAYS cold, usually long sleeves at work, with a sweatshirt for added warmth, I actually stripped down to my little cami top at my job, freaked my boss out, I felt on fire and at night I have the covers on, then off, then on, stick a leg out, stick it back the hokey

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